I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
