Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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