You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
