my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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