i just had sex bonerless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
