I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
