she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
