Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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