Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
