he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
