is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
