End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Someone came in the potted fern
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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