I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
