When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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