Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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