I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
