Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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