His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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