There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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