Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have fence marks all over my body
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
