he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
