I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
