Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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