MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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