I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
