did you get engaged???
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
