nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
