I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
