just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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