Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
