I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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