You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
