yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
