I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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