I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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