I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
