I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
