so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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