my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
