Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
