Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
