Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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