Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
