FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
