Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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