How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
