if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
