the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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