just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
