his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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