Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
