I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
