I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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