dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
