when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
