Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
