It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
