P.S. I can't hear my feet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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